Treating Cancer, Treating Cancer With Respect

Treating Cancer, Treating Cancer With Respect
Originally posted by Karen on Friday, March 20, 2009 from her first Blog

This is the first in a series of entries about my healing journey. I hope, a journey of empowerment, forgiveness, love and understanding. This would be a forgiveness toward me, the cancer and any other poor B–stard I have been angry with and blamed for the bumps in my road.

It is the first reaction to the words, “you have cancer.” Numb, dumb, befuddlement, then a sort of anguished no, what? Then, the begging and pleading with the Maker. This can not be happening to me!?

The only real lightening to this shock of news came for me when I confronted God with, “Ok, is it my time to come home? If it is just let me know. If not I will do what ever it takes to change this and fight, heal, change what ever, to make it right! Just let me know.” This how I first let go to a Power greater than myself, this upheaval of life.

This first event November 1, 2002 was the first time I got this kind of news and then again in January 2009 I got news of a recurrence, in the same spot. The kicking and screaming lasted about 48 hours. This time no begging just anger. A the prospect of going through the same stuff. Treatments that make you feel like crap, losing hair that has taken 5 years to grow to my middle back. But worse the uncertainty that I can trust. To trust that every thing is ok and that life isn’t out to get me. Then again it always is. To get me to fully live each moment while I can.

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